getting in touch with a former boyfriend or girlfriend during the Christmas season
'MARLEYING: the dating trend that sees exes appearing out of the blue at Christmas … 11% of singles say they've been Marleyed, the study of 4,054 adults across the UK revealed.'
Independent 20th December 2017'Most Marleyers don't have malicious intentions, but are just feeling lonely and nostalgic … , and decide to reappear out of nowhere, …'
Glam 20th December 2017Christmas is all packed away for another year, but did the festive season bring an unexpected gift? Did a ghost of relationships past put in an unanticipated appearance in Christmas present? If the start of 2019 sees you enjoying a rekindled romance, whether or not the two of you make it to Valentine's Day, it seems you'll have unwittingly bought into a newly recognized dating trend known as Marleying.
as many as one in ten of us will have been contacted by a former boy- or girlfriend over the Christmas period, aka have been Marleyed
According to online dating research, as many as one in ten of us will have been contacted by a former boy- or girlfriend over the Christmas period, aka have been Marleyed. Those initiating the contact are dubbed Marleyers, who, findings reveal, are most likely to 'strike' on Christmas Eve. Fuelled by the reflective, nostalgic feelings associated with the end of the year, and possibly the practical opportunity to re-connect because of being in a particular location for the holidays, it seems that Christmas is the ideal time to catch up for old times' sake – whether merely for a quiet drink and chat, or with a more determined agenda to pick up where you left off all those months or years ago.
The term Marleying puts a seasonal spin on what seems like a never-ending stream of dating terminology, a consequence, it's been suggested, of the always-on, fast-paced, hedge-your-bets nature of 21st-century romance. Joining the ranks of breadcrumbing, benching and cushioning (check out their meanings in the BuzzWord article here) are the more recent orbiting – withdrawing from a relationship but still checking, and sometimes engaging with, your ex's social media profile, and sidebarring – having a secret conversation with someone on your phone while you're on a date with another person. And it's not just romance under scrutiny in the modern lexicon, but other relationships too, such as the phenomenon of a performative friendship – think 'here's a cute pic of my lovely mate Jen with the spectacular birthday cake I made for her …' – ostensibly an act of kindness for a friend, but in fact a deliberate ploy to enhance the image of the cake-maker; a performative friendship is all about making the person professing friendship look good.
The term Marleying first appeared in 2017, a creative coinage based on the character Jacob Marley in the classic Dickens novel A Christmas Carol. In the story, protagonist Ebenezer Scrooge is visited by the ghost of former business partner Marley, who, having died seven years earlier, suddenly appears in Scrooge's bedroom on Christmas Eve.
This clever association is however not the first time that marley has been used as a word in English – the same string of letters is used in informal Irish English to describe a marble (i.e.: the small ball of coloured glass used as a toy). Marleying is also not the dating lexicon's only reference to a fictional character, nor indeed to a ghost – the term Caspering, based on the eponymous character of the 1995 animated film Casper, describes a situation of being honest with a romantic partner and letting them down gently before cutting off contact. Casper is a 'friendly' ghost, and so the idea is that Caspering is a kinder alternative to its predecessor ghosting – when a person ends a relationship by abruptly 'disappearing'.
by Kerry Maxwell, author of Brave New Words. She also writes materials for Onestopenglish.
Read last month's BuzzWord. health halo.
This article was first published on 10th January 2019.