A thread written by @edzitron

Starting off my @internetofshit coverage for CES this year with whatever the fuck this is

Hmm. Love too grab life by the genes. Lemme just leave a DnA sample first though

Cyber rod. Charge up your fishing rods charge it up. Charge rod smart fish rod

Can’t wait to build a body sensing network for me, by which I mean dress like I’m a 1970s show about the year 2019

Have you ever wanted a Bluetooth headset that was also a camera, and weighed your head down giving you terrible neck pain?

Good luck on selling this to the UK market!

I dunno how Plugo and Orbot are going to survive against Goot and Plorg

Every year this is so exhausting because there is just the same thing again and again and again. I think these guys just have uh, tripods?

At a campsite or go for barbecue? Prepare beef, seafood and beer

Yeah uh we got the usual for us. We’ve got dog leashes and a robot that looks like it’ll assault you

🎶roidmi my friend

Wow! Finally I can go to ces and not use my head needles!

“Did you ever want to have a candle that sucks ass and costs more?”

Yeah get the fuck out of here Alan

Thanks, I hate it

Also can I share my personalised toilet settings

Ah I’ve always wished my air purifier could wheel around the house for some reason

Think you sleep good? You idiot. You rube. This is sleep 2.0

Athletes and customers alike love our new çöffín

Brb everyone. Need to upgrade my money

*pausing, adjusting pipe in mouth, taking in a breath, exhaling, stopping, taking pipe out* whizz ball

Have you ever had the problem that your seat was too comfortable and stayed perfectly still when you sit on it? Well don’t worry we have our uncomfortable weird unstable stool thing

Already beginning to feel my sanity drain away

I can’t stop muttering this tag line

Ah finally the AI for cosmetic something fmfmfrkjsjfjfff

If there’s one thing I really know I want to do it’s trust a regular person using what is almost certainly a crowdfunded product to make their own cosmetics

Hell yes. Right Into my god damn veins. Miliboo(?????) has created the world’s first smart sofa. It has YouTube! How does it have YouTube! Why!!!!

Make my bedroom smell like garden

Robot cat hate father. Robot cat will murder father

Just realised I’ve seen maybe a quarter of this floor. Just a nightmare of densely packed smart home madlibs

Taking a few minutes to wait for a friend! All I can see is this robot cat

You’ve had water before, but have you had water 2? Water for the modern age

Love to say things like “perfume blender” out loud! Absolutely normal thing to do!

TABYL: your sprinklr is on

Have fun selling this in England. Good luck to those guys

Your breath tell your health

Smart pepper spray. Can’t see this going wrong

Wow! A whole new way to cube!

Hope nobody else has used this name somewhere

Nothing much what’s log with you

Garfield with his official first CES sponsorship

There’s so much more. How is there so much. It feels like there are so many more things

Hey man quick question. What the fuck does any of this mean. What does your company do

“What we were thinking was that there were already backpacks, and already backpack speakers. But what about a backpack with speakers that looked like a big pair of breasts”


The first fully automated pet toilet. The first FULLY automated pet toilet. The first fully automated pet TOILET. FIRST TOILET PET AUTOMATE TOILET TOILET TOILET

The first twisty games console! Twisty games. First! Game console

Dry your pet in the pet dry room

An autonomous shower!!! Sure!!!! Yes!!!!


When you have to name your product last minute

Earnestly something is burning in the air at the end of eureka park. I swear to god if I die here I will haunt every one of you

Mate that’s just a dishwasher

Screaming “ARE YOU THE GATEKEEPER” at these guys

Is that a threat

Ah I’m done. Fuck this. A camera you put on your baby so you can see pictures of what your baby sees. No more

I’ll go to the convention Center tomorrow. Anyway here’s whatever a 5D screen is. It’s 50 grand. I don’t know

Ai For Autism! Not sure what it means.

You can follow Ed Zitron.


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